The Lougg-Canaverell Connection

By John R. Mabry | 7th grade | age 12

anonymously written, and composed, and conducted, score corrected and b flat erased by Kalvin Fute with the assistance of Ethen Nebecaneeser and her husband Cool hand Fluke to hold the pencil. And the doorstep.

Shortly after the death of Capernicus Canaverell (called "Cape" by his friends) believers in the occult together with the "Society ofr jumping on top of Ted Mayberry and slitting his face" had discovered great similarities in the lives of Canaverel and Link Lougg, of which a few are listed here. Despite the fact that the square root of 87 is 9.3808, both Loug AND Canaverell died painful deaths; Lougg, an honest lead molder, died of grief when someone stole all of his 16-ton weights (he was found, half-decomposed, drowned in a dry martini) while Mayor Canaverell died of rabid mongoose bits while palying duck-duck-goose in heavy traffic. This shocking revelation was made by Mrs. Earnest Hemingway while his/her husband was trying to invent waterproof/fireproof ink so that he could write sonnetts in a thundershower or long, dragged-out poems while reseting comfortably in a nearby bonfire. Upon discovering this she dowsed the bonfire with the total content of the Drasco City Fire Department (the firemen didn't appreciate being thrown into/onto a fire) niether of which hurt the manuscripts. After being slugged in the gut by her husband, 37 firemen and a wombat (who was just along for the fun) she relayed the startling revelation to them, upon which they immediately wrote a sloppy script, hired George C. Scott and shot the first scene of 20th Century Fox's "Islands," after shooting Mrs. Hemingway first. Many other similarities have been discovered in a similar manner, a few are listed here: Those marked with an * represent those found by "Believers in the Occult, Bingo on Thursday, come one come two, Ltd.", Drasco, AR. Those marked by a + were discovered by the "society for jumpin on top of Steve McAllester and slitting his face (Ted Mayberry is currently in intensive care while his face heals). Those lefed unmarked were either never discovered or the author is lazy).

2. (No. 1 being the deaths) Lougg has the same number of letters s Canaverell if you multiply it by six and subtract the sum by 2 (to the second power) X 2.222.2 (to the second power).+

3. They were both killed in the same manner. (Editor's note: Dear Jim, Meet you on the golf course thursday at 1am, and we'll render a pine tree helpless. Sincerely yours forever, Walt.) (Editor's other note: Due to a traumatic shock suffered as a school boy, the author has written "manner" for ever time the word "state" shoudl ahve appeared. Now, where were we? Ah, yes, the fat German businessmen were forming pyramids, frightening the children...)

4. Canaverell was born on Dec. 41, 1937, was elected to office on February 20th, 1972. Lougg was born on Jan. 20, 1837 and elected to office (Journalism branch of the Sanitation Dept.; supervisor) on Nov. 83th, 1872.

5. They have the same birthday.

6. They were elected to office on the same date.

7. There are no more similarities.

Amazing, isn't it?!!! Well, (such a deep subject for such a shallow mind), people find that these discoveries suggest extgraterrestrial connections over time space warts, subject to speed: warp factor 8 to the galazy of MacAllister, find extracurricular activities include Bingo at the church on Wednesday nights.

Publishers note: d#

Publisher's other note: The other 80 pages of this manuscript have been omitted because of the psychotic references to rendering pine trees with nasal diseases helpless (it goes into great detail, including step-by-step instructions).

Sincerely yours forever,

Walt.

Fruit.